86 days

This week had a lot of downs but ended on a good positive...here it is...

Monday:
I had another personal training appointment on Monday. I really like the group that goes at 6pm on Mondays. Very encouraging of each other and fun to be around. It can make all the difference. So the training session was good, plus I got 1 of my 6 miles out of the way during the session by doing sprints on the treadmill.

After the session ended I still had another 5 miles to go. Maybe my legs were tired from the run on Sunday, maybe my mind wasn't there, but whatever it was I only ran 3 of the 5 miles. I felt a little bad about it until I told myself it was still 2 good hours of working out and that I would come back strong next time.

Tuesday:
Had the day off, and got to see Charisse and Kim for dinner! Always fun times!

Wednesday:
Today was the day that literally changed my life forever. A few weeks ago, during one of my training sessions, I felt my ear pop and/or get really full all of a sudden. It felt like my ear had filled up from water from swimming, or it needed to pop. I continued on with my workout and figured it would pop and go back to normal. When I got home from working out that night I was very shaky and felt like I was going to pass out. Even a little nausious. After all my years in sports and working out I had never felt that way at the end of a workout.

The next morning I woke up and felt nausious as well. My ear was still full and along with that I could hear a very high pitched noise in my ear as well. It sounded like a high frequency. It never went away. At work I also noticed that my hearing wasn't the same. I couldn't hear low tones, or nearly as well as I used to. After about 4-5 days of this, with no change I made a Dr appointment to see what was wrong.

I initially went to my family doctor who told me it was probably allergies (I have never had allergies in my life), and to take Clairitin. She said if it didn't get better in 2 weeks to call and get a referral to an Ear Nose and Throat doctor. Well all the Clairitin did was make me fell worse. So I finally got my referral to the ENT and this leads us to Wednesday.

My appointment was Wednesday. I went into a sound proof booth and did all sorts of hearing tests. When I was done the nurse said I have outstanding hearing for the most part, until it gets to the low tones in my right ear, then I can hear almost nothing. She said a name for what she thought it was, and I got excitied. A name! That has to mean there is a cure right? Yea, not so much.

I waited for the doctor with excitement, thinking soon I would be back to normal, but within 4 minutes of him being in the room I was crushed. Here are the main points of what he had to say:

*I have tinnitus. A condition where people have a constant ringing in their ear.
*If the condition does not go away within 1 year, it will never go away.
*There are a few steroid treatments to try but they are typically unsuccessful.
*He thinks I was born with a pre-disposition for a 3rd bone in my ear to move, causing this diagnosis. I need to have a CT scan done to see.
*I should not work out or run until we find out what caused this to happen.
*And, oh by the way, there is a small possibility it could be a brain tumor so I am going to order you a MRI too.

I'm a pretty emotional person, so I nearly lost it. Within 5 minutes I heard a) I'll never have my hearing back, b) you can't work out (not good for a marathon training plan) and c) it could possibly be a brain tumor.

For those of you who don't know me, brain tumor is the biggest trigger word I could hear, as my sister past away from a brain tumor when I was 12. So precautionary or not, it scares the shit out of me.

I know there are a million other things that could be wrong with me that would be way worse, but anytime you hear you won't be the same ever again, it takes some getting used to. I've been having quite the mourning party for myself this week.

You can call this overdramatic, but I challenge you to live every freaking second with a ring in your ear, and not be able to hear someone whisper next to you, or not be able to hear a normal conversation in a loud restaurant and then you tell me it wouldnt take you some getting used to and that it doesnt change things.

As a side note, doctors should not be able to pass med school without an A in bedside manner. My doctor couldn't have cared less that I was upset or that he rattled off live changing things like it was a grocery list.

So the rest of Wednesday was spent coming to terms with that news, and working late...so no run this day.

Thursday:
I was supposed to run 6 miles this day, but I didn't. I was still grappling with new about my ear, and with my doctor telling me not to run. I thought the running bit was ridiculous but I was worried I would do more damage, so I gave myself another day off.

Oh, I also had a 2nd appt with another ENT doctor at the same clinic to see if the steroid therapy would be an option for me. He wasn't in the room for more than 2 minutes before he said I wasn't a candidate. First, I was kind of ok with this, as the thought of steroids getting shot into my eardrum didn't really have me excited. Secondly though, I was pissed I took all that time off work to drive there for literally a 5 minute appointment with another doctor with no bedside manner.

Friday:
Day off!

Saturday:
Day off!

Sunday:
Long run day! I said screw the doctor, I've run since this ear thing happened and it hasn't gotten worse, so I'm gonna keep running (taking a break on the weight training though). 14 miles was my distance. I was nervous about it since last week I was supposed to do 12 and stopped at 11, but I started and felt good almost the whole way! I did walk a few times, but I finished the whole 14 miles in just about 3 hours and 17 min!! I was so proud of myself for finishing, for winning the mental game. I finally felt like I could do this marathon. Even better, the next day my legs felt great!

Only 86 days to go!! I can do this! One day at a time!

Final side note: if anyone reads this before July 18th, please send me good thoughts the morning of July 18th. I go in for my CT scan and MRI that morning. I'm sure that everything will be fine, but I won't stop worrying about it until I know for sure. Thanks for the good thoughts!

Days till Marathon: 86
Total training miles: 269.85